How To Stop Reacting
It can be habit. You see that look or hear a comment, you hear a raised voice or see something that makes you wonder. And you react. And your reaction only causes further problems. Reactions are “knee-jerk.” They are rarely thought-out, and almost always counter-productive. And the next time, it happens again. You are stuck […]
Is It Time Just Give Up?
I get asked that question all the time: “Is It Time Just Give Up?” Almost always, it is NOT time to throw in the towel — unless, of course, you decide to. That term, “throw in the towel,” comes from boxing. The boxer (or his corner guy) could throw a towel into the ring and […]
Is Love Important?
A podcast listener (accurately) noted that I don’t talk too much about love. The listener wanted to just get back to the love they had shared at one time, and wanted to know how to fall back in love. I responded with, “What do you mean by ‘love’?” The response started with “I don’t know,” […]
“I’ll Try” Will Destroy Your Marriage
“I’ll try,” my client said in response to multiple suggestions about actions to take. But each week, the “try” never happened. Just a couple of days ago, I got the same response to another suggestion. Before that, I had a client who had been “trying” to write the Apology Letter… but not a single word […]
5 Myths of Saving Your Marriage
Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on? And have you ever discovered it was actually even worse for you? (Just think about margarine or “low fat” diets, or even diet drinks!) You think you are […]
Expectations Can Wreck Your Marriage
“What can I expect from my spouse?” That was the lead question. Because over and over, her expectations had not been met. “Expectations,” I told her, “can wreck your marriage.” “Which expectations?”, she asked. I noted, “Any.” But shouldn’t you have expectations? Shouldn’t you be able to expect things from your spouse? Let me ask […]
Has Your Wife Given Up? Try These Strategies
There comes a time in lots of struggles in marriage where a spouse will say, “I don’t love you, I will never love you again, I’ve never loved you, there’s no way this marriage can recover, there’s no way this will work out, we are finished” or some variation of this. There is a 7 […]
What To Do When Your Wife Resents You
Let’s turn to dealing with your spouse’s resentments. Resentment comes from anger, unresolved. Anger comes from hurt, unresolved and unaddressed. Which leads us back to helping your spouse find healing — tracking back to anger, but really back to hurt. If you want to reconnect, start with dealing with resentments. Otherwise, the hurt/anger/resentment continues to […]
I’m Not Happy…
What do you do when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy,” as the reason the marriage has to end? Or how about, “You’re not happy,” or “I can’t make you happy”? I have heard this reason given over and over. It is a common (but false) belief that a marriage needs to end because spouses […]
3 Things That Kill A Relationship and 3 That Help
It may not be on purpose. But many couples commit relationship murder. They kill their relationship by accident. So far, I have NEVER had someone tell me they intentionally set out to slay the marriage. But the result is the same. Voluntary or involuntary, the killing of the relationship is the same. Let me just […]