Stop Letting the Past Hurt Your Marriage
It is natural for us to conjure up the past all the time. It is natural. The good and the bad. We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us. When someone is kind […]
Compatibility is Not Necessarily Good
“We’re just not compatible” has been the start of many “we can’t stay together” discussions. But is it true? Is there an issue of compatibility? People from opposite ends of the political and/or religion spectrums get along just fine. People with opposite tastes in music, food, art, and whatever other “compatibles” there are, manage happy […]
What If I Cannot Save It?
Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?” One had been working at it for awhile. The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start). It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process. Each has […]
Every Shortcut Has Gotten You Here
For most men, “short-cuts” are the reason why they are in a Marriage crisis. Short Cuts are nothing more than tricks in disguise. And realizing that there is a distinct difference between being efficient and trying to find the “trick.” Those “tricks” are all the things on the internet about “hypnosis,” “reverse psychology,” “spells,” or […]
Get Out of Your Own Way
No matter how determined you may be to change your life or marriage, it only takes hesitation and a lack of ownership to halt any progress. In the end, YOU are your biggest hindrance to your growth. In this new episode, Arturo lays out the BIG difference between men who live in the past versus […]
3 Secrets of People Who Have Saved Their Marriage
I have watched from the sidelines as people work to save their marriage. And it strikes me that there are three secrets people who save their marriage learn and master. If you don’t know these secrets, you need to. What are those 3 secrets? 1. They know the difference between Symptoms and Cause. 2. They […]
How to Heal Your Wife’s Resentment
Let’s turn to dealing with your spouse’s resentments. Resentment comes from anger, unresolved. Anger comes from hurt, unresolved and unaddressed. Which leads us back to helping your spouse find healing — tracking back to anger, but really back to hurt. If you want to reconnect, start with dealing with resentments. Otherwise, the hurt/anger/resentment continues to […]
Can I Make My Wife Do Something?
The conversation starts innocently enough. Someone wants help saving a marriage. They tell me about the disconnection haunting the relationship. They tell me about the hurts and struggles. They tell me they are desperate to turn things around. And then they say it. “How do I get my spouse to. . .” “How do I […]
Fighting Versus Solving – Using Conflict
Do you find yourself fighting and fighting, but never making progress? Maybe you even look back and make the painful discovery: you are just repeating the same argument. If so, you aren’t using conflict to get anywhere. You are just trying to win. Conflict is better used when it moves you toward progress. It can […]
Stop Playing The Victim
To live is to constantly grow and improve, but if you’re blaming anyone else but yourself, you’re not growing. Looking at yourself honestly and taking accountability can be incredibly painful, but it IS necessary in your growth as a man. Most of us have wounds, but touting them as trophies isn’t how they heal; they […]