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Fortified Spouse

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn’t matter”?
I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others.
It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives.  They are not the big things, but the small things.  And that is the tragic part:  many marriages die from a thousand nicks.  It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things.  In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things.
Which raises the question:  WHY do we have these arguments?  Why do we bicker?
And then, the second question:  HOW do we change this pattern?