Stop The Blame Dance
Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse’s fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)? Or maybe you are just blaming yourself. You see this whole mess as YOUR fault. Blame has one single outcome — […]
How To Stop Making Small Issues “Blow Ups”
Slowly, slowly… you are making progress! You keep working on turning your marriage around… and it is working! Maybe you think it isn’t moving fast enough. Or maybe you have just been holding all of those emotions, fears, and hurts, in… and they start to grow. You can feel it! But you try hard not […]
It is Slow Until It Hits Hard
I’ve seen it so many times. A marriage is slowly, slowly, slowly moving apart. Then, suddenly, it is ending! Slowly, then all at once. A recent survey from a divorce attorney group showed the central dynamic of marriages ending: they slowly drifted apart. You may not need a survey to tell you about this threat. […]
Who Wins Does Not Matter
I remember saying to a couple, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!” They didn’t much seem to believe me. They were simultaneously trying to win while proving they were losing. Yep, they were trying to win at a game of “who does more and gets […]
Love Is Not A Transaction
You try to show love to your spouse. . . and you get nothing in return. You try to let your spouse know how much you love your spouse. . . and you get nothing back. Let me say that I do not think it is alright to be in a relationship where none of […]
The War In Your Mind Is Hurting Your Marriage
There is a war going on. It isn’t between you and your spouse. It is right between your ears! Your brain is at war with itself. Well, to be more accurate, there are two parts of your brain that are constantly at odds with each other, both looking for different things. And the part of […]
5 Ways Your Pain Keeps You Stuck
James and his wife had been struggling for years. Arguments, fights, and conflicts had cut into their love for each other. While James believed there was still love there, he knew it was buried deep for both of them. James spent lots of time licking his wounds, remembering the struggles — and usually seeing that […]
Change This First
“Jack” was dancing around my office: pacing, sitting, jumping up, sitting down, pacing. . . . Jack’s wife just revealed that she did not want to stay married. 22 years of marriage. Gone. Jack was in panic mode. “What do I do?”, he repeatedly asked. To be honest, Jack had already done a number of […]
Do Not Chase Your Spouse
Do you find yourself chasing after your spouse? Do you keep wondering why your spouse is so cool, distant, aloof, and emotionally unavailable? You may be pursuing your spouse, and in unhealthy ways. In fact, your spouse may be running away faster and faster, because your spouse is feeling the pursuit. Why does this happen? […]
The Reason Your Spouse Does Not Believe You Will Change
You have arrived at that point. You know you are not doing all you can and being all you can be. It is time for a change. Perhaps with hat in hand, you sit down with your spouse and let your spouse know, in your most sincere and concerned voice, that you know you have […]